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Endless Waltz: Missing Counterpoint
~by Nickel Stein -
purple_shad@hotmail.com
December 2000
Disclaimer:
Gundam Wing and Gundam
Wing: Endless Waltz are property of Bandai,
(†) denote lines that are quoted
directly from the dub version (Go Brian Drummond and Saffron Henderson!! Woooh... ahem) of Endless Waltz (assuming I got most of it
right).
Author Note / Synopsis: This fic attempts
to explain what happens between Zechs and Noin during and behind the scenes of Endless Waltz, just
because it's so damn annoying that their relationship is so subtle. Subtle is
okay I guess, but after watching all 49 episodes and the movie, I just had to
write this to satisfy my own insatiable desire to see them get together! I hope
you enjoy... and if you don't like sap, then too bad for you.
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Zechs sat inside the Tallgeese
with a book in his hand, but he was not reading the lines on the page. The Tallgeese blipped as he expected, notifying him of the
approaching cargo shuttle:
Trasmission: Connecting... Open
Designation: Preventer
Cx-3526P
Operator: “Preventer
Fire”
Hailing Msg: “Hello, Tallgeese."
Co-ordinates: 34.79, 28.68, 187.26
Zechs narrowed his eyes at the computer
screen. Fire? Could that be...
It had to be. He hoped for it to be her, yet not her. He was not at all sure
what he wanted. He wanted desperately to see her, but feared having to face her
again after so long, his only fear. What would she say to him, how would she
react to his return, and what should he say in response? What has the year done
to our...? His unfocused gaze strayed back to the book he was holding.
The video screen blipped, showing Noin’s
image. Silence ensued.
With the book still hovering between his face and the screen, he licked
his dry lips and spoke as casually as he could: “Is that you, Noin?”† He turned the page in his book, determined to keep
up the charade he had begun half and hour earlier until he was certain. Her
reply came, voice calm and smooth as he had heard it inside his head for
several months. There was no negative quality in her tone. He allowed himself
to feel slightly relieved. Thanking her, he lowered the book, finally looking
at her through the video transmission. He almost smiled.
“So Noin, how have you been doing?”†
"Good.Ӡ
He could not comprehend the expression on her face when she looked away
for a fraction of a second, but she looked back at him with a slight smile. “Zechs... It’s been one year and two days.”† He was at once
flattered that she cared, and sorry. He swallowed, wanting to say so much, and
wondering whether or not he had made the right decision in staying away from
Earth.
“It has been that long.”
“I always knew you’d come back.”
Such faith... he marveled. There was an awkward silence.
Noin changed the topic, blushing, and hoping
he would not be able to see it on the video screen. She glanced at her
secondary monitor. “Get the Tallgeese ready for pick
up. I’ll be in position in eighty-two seconds.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
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The conference room of the Preventer’s
headquarters was emptying its packed crowd, volunteers and former soldiers
quickly exiting the room to begin shifts at their posts. The Preventers were busy trying to prepare as much as they
could since Mariemeia’s arrival on earth. They knew
where she was, but were uncertain as to what action they should take without
resorting to military armaments, which were in short supply in the current days
of peace. When the surveillance crews had left, Une
turned her attention to the organization’s newest member.
“I know as Preventers it is our duty to try
and resolve this, but are you very sure? This could very well be a suicide
mission.” She frowned up at the tall blonde man.
“I appreciate your concern,” Zechs replied,
“But we all know that this has to be done. There is no one else to do it except
us.”
Une looked away. “Yes, I know you’re right.”
Then with more resolution, she began briefing him and Noin,
who stood at Zechs’s elbow. “The
“No.” Zechs mused. “It’s all up to the people
whether or not we succeed.”
After declaring a few more orders, Une
dismissed them and those left in the room. Heading down the hall toward the
mobile suit hangar, Zechs watched Noin
from the corner of his eye. She had been unusually quiet for the past few
hours.
“Will you be all right, Noin?” he asked
finally.
She turned her head towards him, though they continued walking. “Why
wouldn’t I be?” But there was no reassuring smile this time.
He stopped, recognizing the look in her eyes despite her efforts to hide
it. It was the same look she had had a year ago, when she told him she would
join him before Libra’s destruction. She stopped with him as he searched for
his voice.
“Don’t worry, Noin. I don’t intend to be made
into yet another martyr.”
“Okay.” She replied moving on, briefly comforted.
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The sounds of tearing metal filled his ears, the smell of burning fuel,
and sweat tinged with electricity filled every hard breath he took. His eyes
narrowed because of the constant flash of his own beam sabre
and the energy blasts of enemy canons that rocked the flight of his mobile
suit.
Zechs and Tallgeese
III fought as one entity against the throngs of Dekim
Barton’s troops, the large mobile suit weaving among the slower upgraded
Serpent Leo’s with its superior Vernier rockets. A
slice of his sabre and a lash from his heat whip
brought down two more suits but he was already gone from the spot, leaping from
the debris towards another oncoming pair. He kept a constant eye out for the
glimpse of Noin’s white Taurus suit, which was always
nearby.
Noin herself was busy trying to keep her suit
from being caught in a barrage of fire. With her rifle, she covered Zechs as he swept in to destroy the mobile suits in close
combat. It was their best strategy. She kept letting off rounds, refusing to
lose any ground that they had gained so far, but she could see that they were
not getting very much further.
A shot clipped the shoulder of her Taurus suit and she struggled to keep
her balance. Zechs, seeing this as the Tallgeese rushed in to destroy the suits that had shot her,
said through their open communication line:
“Noin, you really don’t have have to stick around with me.”†
Sadly, knowing full well the hopelessness of the battle they were in, Noin confessed to him, her voice thick with emotion. “Zechs, I told you a year ago that I will never leave your
side… I’ve waited so long, and I just can’t wait any longer.”†
Zechs clenched his jaw tight, in an effort to
contain the surge of emotion inside of him. Maintaining his blank expression
had never been so hard as conflicting feelings of
despair and love threatened to tear him apart. He barely managed a dull
“Understood,”† without choking before he moved into battle with a new fury.
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The hours raged on and they were both getting tired. Noin
could feel the strain throughout her entire body with every extreme movement
she made to save her own life. They were both playing defensively now, just enough to stay alive, but the numbers of offensive
troops kept multiplying. Zechs could tell his
reaction time was slowing down immensely. His whip soared through the air once,
but there were too many. His peripheral vision caught sight of a gleam of white
surrounded by the brown dust-coloured Serpents. The Vernier rockets flared, rushing the Tallgeese
towards its companion. After tackling the two that were harassing Noin, Zechs turned his head to
see a wall of Serpents blocking their progress and a few coming up from behind.
It was all he could do to place himself in front of Noin,
shielding them both from the rain of fire.
“We’ve reached our limit,”† he
said, straining to hold his ground.
Then the Gundams came.
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Noin was so happy that it was finally over.
The effort of focusing and battling for so long resulted in a surge of elation
throughout her aching body. As her eyes scanned the broken battlefield and the
still-standing Gundams on it, she smiled. Her gaze
fell on the Tallgeese standing beside her own Taurus,
still majestic despite the damaged exterior. She wished they were not in their
mobile suits so that she could give Zechs a victory
hug. She felt like laughing in relief, “Oh, Zechs.”†
His reply came to her, ever enigmatic, but she could hear his own relief.
“So what about the base?” Duo’s voice came over
the open transmission they now all shared. “You think the people are still
alive down there?”
Noin punched up a communication line with the Preventers’ HQ. “Sally? Can you tell us what’s going on in
there? Has Une made it in?”
Sally’s face came up on screen. “Roger that. She’s just sent out a
distress code for some medics. As you’ve seen, the civilian protest is still a
little furious, since they’ve no idea what’s going on either, but I’m sure Wufei will have things under control.”
Trowa’s voice came over the line. “I’ll check
the remains of Wing Zero. Heero’s probably already
inside, but I’ll look anyway.” The Heavyarms lifted
into the air with a few scraping sounds of protest.
“We’d better get over there and have a look, eh?” Duo said.
“I hope everyone’s all right,” added Quatre.
The two Gundams also took off.
“Zechs?” Noin asked after a brief silence. She heard his voice,
although his words were not addressed to her.
“Sally, did Une tell you who needed the medical
attention?”
Sally smiled, “No, but don’t worry, Milliardo.
I have word that Relena is unharmed.”
“Thank you, Sally. Preventer Wind out.” The screen turned black. He turned to Noin. “Shall we go then?” The Tallgeese
made a polite gesture.
She smiled. A gentleman even in his mobile suit... The Taurus lifted off
ahead of the Tallgeese.
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As the stretcher wheeled by with Heero Yuy lying prone on it, heading towards the ambulance, Relena looked up at the scene around her: minor fires being
put out, smells of smog, gasoline, rubber, metal; the surrounding darkness
beyond the grounds of chaos, running medics, the injured and bystanders - most
of them soldiers of Mariemeia’s army. As her eyes
wandered, they instinctively fell upon a familiar head of platinum blonde hair.
Zechs and Noin stood at a
polite distance, watching her. When he saw that she saw them he took a
tentative step forward. With one last glance at Heero’s
stretcher being loaded onto an ambulance, Relena
rushed towards them.
“I’m so glad you’re alive, Milliardo!” Relena hugged him, ignoring the smell of singed clothes and
hair, sweat. “I’m glad we’ve all survived this.”
“Yeah, me too,” he replied after a grunt of pain. He hugged her back.
She noticed he looked strained. “Are you hurt? The doctors are right
here,” she chided. Without waiting for a reply she went off to find help.
He would have laughed if he could. “Just a sprained ankle and a few
broken ribs, that’s all.”
“Zechs, you fool.” Noin
frowned at him. “When will you think that you need medical attention? Here, go
sit on that rock, I’ll help you over.” She ducked under his arm so he could
lean on her.
“Ah…” He winced, then looked down at the top of her head, feeling almost
physically stunned as she placed her arm around his waist. Her hand felt cool
holding on to his. She positioned him on a relatively stable chunk of debris,
lifting his arm off herself and kneeling in front of him. Their eyes held each
other for a moment. “Noin…” He felt like saying
something silly like, What would I do without you?
Relena came up hurriedly with a paramedic in
tow. Noin reluctantly broke eye contact to looked up at her.
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After returning to the Preventer’s
headquarters, everyone having been bandaged up, things tried to restore
themselves into some order around them. Zechs and Noin walked through the infirmary. Jobs needed to be done
and they had only run into each other again since arriving back with their
mobile suits a few hours ago. Noin was being gopher,
since she could not use a computer or write with only her left hand. The other
wrist was bound up, having been overly strained in battle, and it felt sore
moving her fingers. She had survived with a few more scrapes and one broken
rib.
Sally had commanded Noin to take a break after
delivering one more report to Une; the argument being
that she had been in battle after all, and had not slept in well over eighteen
hours. Noin had run into Zechs
when he had insisted on leaving his terminal to wander around the base in hopes
of seeing something more interesting than his computer screen. He did not seem
hindered much by the crutches he sported to support his sprained ankle.
They stopped at a window looking into the IC unit. Une’s
back was towards them, as they looked on to see a very
pale Mariemeia still unconscious from the gunshot
wound and subsequent surgery.
Zechs mused, “So this is Treize’s
legacy.”
“Zechs.” Noin’s tone was short of reprimanding.
“Just a war torn world and a few more broken hearts.”
He did not look at her.
She almost felt like saying, That’s your
legacy, too, but held back. “There was a time when we would have died for his
cause, there are some who still would… but it’s over now. We’re beginning yet
again.”
His profile looked grim. “Treize continues to
live in us… Even in this little girl who knows nothing of who her father really
was.”
Noin made a slight nod, indicating Une. “I think Une will take good
care of her. I can see that already.” She raised her bandaged hand against the
glass, looking intently at Une’s slumped shoulders.
No doubt Une is really tired, she probably hasn’t
slept since the crisis began, which was a couple days ago.
Unexpectedly, Zechs placed his left hand
gently over hers. She nearly started, and immediately hoped he had not noticed.
She glanced furtively at him and then back at their hands pressed lightly on
the window. There was a slight pause. He was still looking straight ahead when
he commented.
“You’re right. They need each other; it’ll be good for them.” With that,
he turned away and positioned his crutches properly under his arms again.
Before she could think of something to say, he asked over his shoulder. “Are
you going to hand in the report now?”
“…Yeah. Then I’m going to bed.” She glanced back through the window and
turned back to him. “What about you?”
“I should get back to work.” His profile smirked. “Sally’s probably
wondering how a one-legged man could run off so quickly. Good night, Noin.”
Watching his retreating form, Noin wondered
what she should do. Should she run after him and try to talk to him? Was that
just a slip, and if it was not, what did it mean? He had not looked at her at
all. What had the past twenty-four hours done to their relationship? She felt
so weak. Why can’t I move? She briefly wondered if she was afraid, now that he
was finally home, finally responding to her with a
distinct amount of…
“Noin? What are you
doing down here?” Une’s voice snapped her back to
attention.
“Here’s the latest report.” Noin said,
mechanically handing the clipboard to the Preventer
head. “I’m going on break now.”
She hurried in the direction that Zechs had
gone. Une’s gaze trailed after her for a moment
before lowering back to the report in her hand.
For a cripple, he sure moves fast, Noin
thought. After checking with Sally and several other people who had not seen
him, she decided her need to sleep currently outweighed her need to see him.
His feelings would be made clear to her eventually, she hoped, retiring to her
room.
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Over the next few days she saw less of him than she wanted to. Work
seemed endless and he was nowhere to be found whenever she looked. Some new
project had popped up and he was supposed to be in charge of it.
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Noin woke from a dream she was having. She had
been chasing something in her white Taurus suit out in space. As she got
closer, it repeatedly distanced itself in a flash of white and blue. Then,
finally when the end of the dream grew near, she saw what it was just before it
detonated, nearly taking her with it.
Her eyes snapped open, her body still motionless where she lay, but the
pit in her stomach betrayed her mixed emotions evoked by the dream. She
squeezed her eyes shut, trying to escape her feelings, but she could not. She
knew what she had dreamed and right now, it embodied her greatest fear. Slowly,
she uncurled herself and slid off the cot in her office. She told herself not
to think about it, it would only bring bad luck. She stood shivering in the
dark for a moment in silence. The sounds of the Preventer
base had lowered a few decibels in the last few hours although there was still
much activity about.
A flashing light on her videophone caught her attention. It was a
message telling her to call Lady Une ASAP. Noin clicked on her desk lamp and dialed Une’s office. After one ring, Une’s
image appeared.
“You called?” Noin asked, trying to will her
voice back to normal after just waking up.
“I’m sorry to disturb you while you’re not on duty, Noin,
but I thought I should tell you…” Une paused, looking
unusually sympathetic.
“What is it?” Noin was suddenly concerned.
“You know that new Terraforming projects the Peacecrafts have been working on?”
Noin nodded, knowing that Zechs
and Relena had had a few meetings during the past few
days regarding the new project.
“The project has it’s go-ahead from the United
Earth Sphere’s government. Preventer Wind has just
submitted an overview to me and as head of Terraforming’s
establishment division, he has also stated that he
will be leaving to personally oversee the project.”
“What!?” Noin nearly
choked. “W-When is he leaving?”
“0-four hundred hours tomorrow morning.” Une did not know what to say. Apparently, as she had
suspected, Zechs had not told Noin
of his imminent departure. She thought Noin deserved
to know. “What will you do?” she asked her fellow co-worker and friend.
“I- I…” Noin faltered, then immediately gritted
her teeth, and declared, “I’m going with him.”
Une gave her a brief, reassuring smile.
“Officially, I’ll take that as on the record, but don’t worry about the paper
work, I’ll handle it. You’ve got eleven hours to find him and give him hell for
this.”
Noin smiled sadly, “Thanks, Une.” After ending the call, she stood in the room staring
at nothing.
He could not leave, not again. They had not had very much time to talk
during the aftermath of Mariemeia’s arrival. It had
only been a bit less than a week since the battle had ended. How could he be
planning to leave again so soon… and not tell her? She shivered at the thought
of the dream. Doubt began to creep up on her, and try as she might,
she had trouble forcing it back. Alternating feelings of anger at his neglect
and fear of his rejection clung to her. She took a deep breath trying to clear
her head, but she could not help it, then she became irritated at herself. I
have to do something! How dare he treat me like this, of course he knows how
much I… he must care…In her mind she saw the battlefield again when he had
taken the blast for her. The doubt came again, unbidden, her thoughts in a
whirl: What if he’s been avoiding me these past few days,
and he just wants to get away again? She swallowed hard and then the emotional
cycle began all over again.
An immeasurable amount of time passed in silence before a knock on her
door made her jump. She shivered again before moving to open it. She rubbed her
right eye, trying to push back the feeling of her eyes watering. Soldiers do
not cry, she had told herself that a million times throughout her military
career. Then she stopped wide-eyed, the door open half way, shocked that it was
Zechs standing in front of her.
“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“Oh… no.” Noin was in
her rumpled tank top - her Preventer jacket was
draped over the back of her desk chair - and she had removed her shoes before
napping. She could imagine the state her hair was in.
“Are you sure?” The shadow of a smile appeared on his face.
“Yes… well, no, I mean, no you didn’t wake me.” But you did, she added
silently. She shook her head, flustered by her emotions. She should ask him
now. “Come in.” She moved aside and he stepped into the room with a slight
limp, being too proud to use a cane for his recently healed ankle.
Zechs hesitated for a moment; why does she
look so sad? “Noin. I came
to inform you that I’ll be leaving to start the Terraforming
project early tomorrow morning.”
“Well it’s too late for that.” Noin was
relieved that he had not forgotten about her, but she could not help the
bitterness in her tone. He was leaving after all.
He was disappointed. “So they told you already did they?”
Then he decided to ignore it, and her sulking tone. “Pack your things.”
“What?” Noin looked up, surprised.
He sighed. “I know there’s nothing I can say to convince you to stay, so
you’re to come with me.”
“Come with you?” she echoed, incredulous. He had never asked her to
accompany him before; she had always had to assert herself and tell him that he
needed her help, though he had always accepted graciously enough.
At her words, a doubt seized him, What am I
doing wrong? “Of course, don’t you... want to?”
Then she beamed, all doubts ebbing from both of them when she smiled.
“Of course I do, and I will. Thank you.” Impulsively she hugged him,
catching him off guard. As she pulled away, his hands reached up and slid down
her bare forearms until he held both of her hands in his own. He held them
briefly before letting go, unsure if his own actions had been a conscious
decision.
“Let’s go get a coffee,” he said, reaching over and handing her jacket
to her.
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They sat in the cockpit of the space shuttle. Zechs
sat in the pilot’s seat, with Noin on his right, his
co-pilot. They were waiting for clearance, readying to take off in a few
seconds. They sat in a comfortable silence. When the engines had finished
warming up, and the launch signal appeared onscreen, Zechs
executed the launch procedure. He saluted Une and his
sister with her on the view screen before switching off the video. After the
initial jolt of the engine blast, she asked him about the Terraforming
project.
He explained his own willingness to support Relena’s
project. Half in jest, he asked her again. “...Noin,
are you sure you…?”†
There was no hesitation. Indeed, she interrupted him with a sigh. “Zechs,
please don’t make me repeat myself… again.”†
She was pretending to be exasperated, but she was happy to be with him,
he could tell that much. There was no hint of consternation or judgment in her
voice. He could not prevent a small smile from surfacing, looking down at his
hands.
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After more than an hour, Zechs could feel the
game coming to a close. He had to be very careful now. Then he saw it, her
pieces positioned almost perfectly. One more turn and she would have him
trapped. He raised a hand to his chin and scratched it absently with a finger. Noin sat calmly opposite him, her arms crossed comfortably
in front of her, her legs crossed at the knees. She waited with her eyes
closed, trying to imagine the game board in her mind. He had little choice, his
rook was not ready to overtake her king, and so he moved it back towards his
own side of the board. He frowned at the board, knowing full well what a risk
it was. She moved her bishop to intercept him. So he had been wrong? He could
not figure out what her plan was.
Another twenty minutes passed.
“Checkmate.”
Zechs stared at the board in shock. How could
he have miscalculated such a move? Noin had said it
quietly as she had moved her knight into position. There was no hint of
gloating, barely even triumphant, just that one word hanging between them. His
eyes lost their focus on the black and white squares of the chessboard.
She is amazing… He felt a flash of an emotion, which was then swallowed
by his now automatic reflex of hiding whatever he felt. He glanced up at her
briefly, and in that moment he knew he could acknowledge it, his love for her.
He immediately looked back down at the board.
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He had always known that she was the only woman he would ever need,
want, and love. It had never been an idea that he had considered disputing; it
was more universal than that, beyond his own control. It was simply natural. He
did not even remember when it had first developed, but he knew what had
happened to it during the past two years. He could at least explain that to
himself. Maybe he would explain it to her, one day.
Intentionally, he had closed off his feelings for her, locked them in a
glass case, deposited in the back of his mind, the back of his heart, so that
no matter what he did on the outside, whatever actions he had to take in war,
those feelings would remain untouched, protected, conserved. He had always believed
that distancing himself from her physically would also serve to protect her,
because he had to. Whenever she was around him, he always found that she put
her life in danger for him, always because of him. He did not want the
responsibility of both of their lives. His own life
was hard enough to take care of.
Even this past year, he had kept himself from returning to the Earth,
thinking that his presence would not be welcomed by anyone, perhaps not even by
Noin. Better that she was alive hating him than dead
because of him. He was still slightly surprised that her casualness towards him
was the same as it always had been, as if his yearlong hiatus had been only a
week, as if the White Fang had never happened.
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Noin waited expectantly for him to respond, to
say something, allowing a small, shy smile to show her pleasure at having beat him. She would only ever beat him in private, just
because she could. It helped that he was always good about losing to her.
“I’d like to congratulate you, Noin,” he said
solemnly, looking up. “You’ve won.”
Faced with his intense gaze, she demurely objected. “The margin wasn’t
large. The game could have just as easily been yours.”
Just like you to be so modest… His mouth twisted in a wry smile as he
shook his head. I should be so lucky. “No.” He rose from his seat, picking up
the magnetic chessboard. “I mean, you win; I surrender.” Without taking his
eyes off her he placed the board on the dash of the control panel. “And as they
say…” He bowed from the waist, then stopped, head
level with hers. “…'To the victor go the spoils.’”
Reaching a hand out to gently cup her jaw, he brushed his lips against hers
quickly. As he pulled away, her face followed his, unconsciously trying to
recapture the kiss that was too short. “Congratulations, Noin,”
he breathed, standing up, his hand still on her cheek.
She sat still. “Oh, Zechs…” She was at a
complete loss for words, but the surprised joy on her face told him all he
needed to know. They gazed lovingly, frozen for the moment, much the way their
relationship had always been. Then it passed, both of them moving at once. He
pulled her up from her chair as she hugged him as tightly as she could, and he
returned it this time.
It was no longer just a dream for her. Noin
hugged him all the harder to reaffirm the reality of it. Finally she turned her
head up to him, and awe washed over her as she saw the smile on his face that
she had dreamed of seeing for a very, very long time; the smile that was only
for her, brilliant and sincere, unlike many other smiles she had seen cross his
features. This smile held no bitterness, no sarcasm, no deceit, and no sorrow. Noin reached a hand up to touch his face.
She said softly, “I always knew you were beautiful behind the masks you
wear.” He thanked her with a much longer, more passionate kiss.
When they separated for air, she realized something, but her head was
spinning so fast she could not add the dates up.
“Zechs…” she gasped. “It’s been… been…”
He laughed softly, kissing her forehead. “I know; It’s
been two years and two hundred ninety-one days.”
~fin
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Post-production notes:
· Run-on sentences abound, I apologize.
^_^
· It’s quite logical that Noin wins the chess match; She’s
actually a lot better at many things than Zechs is.
He even admits it in the series, sort of (that line about her letting him be
first in school and all that). Moreover, in the chess scene, poor Zechs is looking mighty troubled, and we know that’s not
his game face. =D (Go, Noin!)
· I tried to write them in character as
much as possible, I hoped I succeeded in at least that much.