WARNINGS: Uh…not
much really. Happy Easter everybody!
I’m sure every one of you wants to
know exactly what happened to our friends of Gundam Wing. Well…our pal Hilde has
become a reporter for the “It Aint’ Our Business, But We Gonna Know About It
Anyways” newspaper, and has been collecting information all these two months on
the ex soldiers. This is her story:
“Yes. I am the last of my
clan. I have fought in battles. I am an excellent soldier, and I do well in
battle. Justice is my sword, and honor is my code. I have always killed with
honor, and know my services will do well for this place of hard work. I am, the
one to in fact kill Trieze. Ok…so maybe I really wasn’t planning on killing him
to begin with, but I did, for it was JUSTICE! YOU ARE WEAK IF YOU DON’T HIRE
ME!! So…do I get the job?
“Chang WuFei…I don’t think you’re the type of
person Burger King wants to hire. Uh…try McDonalds.” Said the man behind the
counter.
“Damn you, burger bitches.” WuFei snarled…
Job Interview:
WuFei
That was an example of what Hilde has been collecting…information
of Gundam Wing people jobs. Read on to find more interesting information on our
favorite characters.
Heero Yuy: Heero instantly became a star soon after
Endless Waltz. He started his acting career, by taking a part in the popular
show, ER. Heero played the part of the guy who put everyone IN the hospital to
begin with…and was soon known as the homicidal freak from that show nobody
really watches unless they’re really bored. After two weeks of his job at ER,
Heero was fired. Supposedly, he “accidentally” put real bullets in the shotguns
used on set. Poor George Clooney never saw it coming…I guess it’s Ms. Clooney
for now on. Anyways, he then got his own show, called “Cooking With Heero.” It
instantly became a hit, and everyone loved it. Heero was known as the only cook
to go out and kill his own meat, with his own bare hands. I went to one of his
shows, and boy…was I impressed.
/Announcer voice suddenly booms on
television./ It’s the Cooking With Heero show, with your host…HEERO!
The
crowd applauded, as Heero slowly walked to the stage. He quickly glanced at all
who clapped, glaring at the noisemakers. The audience sat down, almost
fearfully. “Hn. Welcome…to my show. Today…” Heero slightly turned his head, as
he tried to read the que card.
“Today…I’m going to teach you how to…” He
squinted, looking at the cards. “Ok, who’s the new guy?” Heero asked
frustrated.
The director from behind the stage whispered, “Don’t worry
about the cards Heero. Just read your lines the best you can!”
“I can’t
read the damn lines if someone didn’t make them bigger!” Heero
snarled.
The guy trembled, holding the cards, “I’m sorry…I was in just a
big rush, that I didn’t get any time to…”
“Who is this guy?” Heero
barked, creating a scene.
“He’s new. Give him a chance.” The cameraman
whimpered.
“Fine! Anyways…” Heero went back to reading, “We’re going to
cook a cooked…dammit!” He shouted, “The damn card is upside down!”
“SORRY
SORRY!” The card man cried, turning the card right side up. “ALL BETTER! ALL
BETTER!!!”
“I want this guy FIRED!” Heero snapped.
“We can’t…he’s
under a contract for two years.” The director said.
Heero took out his
gun and shot the cardholder. “Omae O Kerosu.”
“You…you killed the new
guy!” The cameraman said.
“No, I renewed his contract…” Heero coldly
said, “Now shut up, and continue on with the show.”
Hilde in the
audience, snuck out through the back. Apparently…she had seen enough…
Duo
Maxwell: An interesting character, may I say? Duo found out that he had a talent
for writing children books. He began writing a while ago, and continues the
profession. Here is an interview for proof:
Hilde: So Duo, you’ve decided
to go into writing.
Duo: Yeah! It’s a great way to pick up
chicks!
Hilde: Oh? So you went into writing children’s books for
women?
Duo: Children’s books?! What are you talking about? I write
novels.
Hilde: Novels?
Duo: Yeah. See for yourself. (He says,
handing me a small yellow book.)
Hilde: (reading book’s title) One
Colony, Two Colony, Red Colony, Blue Colony. By Dr. Death.
Duo:
(Grinning) Read my novel, Hild.
Hilde: Duo…it’s eight pages…you call this
a novel?
Duo: HEY! It’s the longest book I’ve ever written.
Hilde
(sighing, as she reads,) I will kill you in a box; I will kill you with a fox. I
will kill you here or there, I will kill you anywhere. I will…oh forget it! Duo,
you’re hopeless!
Duo: hey wait, you haven’t gotten to the part about
Shinigami yet!
Hilde: (Slamming office door shut on Duo’s face.)
Novelist? HA!
Trowa Barton: sadly, I couldn’t get an interview…one
because Trowa is so famous now and two, because he doesn’t talk…anymore…or…not
as…uh…yeah. He decided to quit the circus, after a lion sued him for “groping
him.” Trowa found that he was by heart, a true mime. But…he also found that he
liked music and performing…so Trowa is the first to combine both professions. He
is a mime musician. Trowa travels around the universe,
singing…well…uh…performing his hits like “Silence” or “Quiet Time” or his
favorite, or so his miming tells us, “Nobody Listens to a MIME!” Most of his
songs involve five minutes of absolute…silence. Mimes all alike love
him.
Quatre Winner: Quatre is now the forth POWERPUFF GIRL!! He flies…and
fights crime (before bedtime). You can watch him on Toonami, or see him zooming
off in a purple skirt with his three new friends.
Relena: Relena
now manufactures teddy bears. She says it’s the job of her dreams.
Zechs:
Zechs took up the interesting profession of Underwear modeling. He use to use
his sexy body to earn money (hint hint, wink wink! ^_~) You can see him in
commercials…he’s the one who says “Calvin Kline…sooooo quiet…”
Noin: Noin
owns an interesting night club…where she serves drinks and dances like there’s
no tomorrow. She often is seen with Zechs, who sometimes takes a job as a
bouncer at the club. Here’s an interview:
Hilde: Nice place. Business
doing well?
Noin: It’s good. Can’t complain or anything.
Hilde:
So…I hear your friend Zechs comes by often.
Noin: Uh…yeah…
Hilde:
I also hear he’s a bouncer at your club…
Noin: (blushing)
Hilde:
My sources also tell me you don’t pay him a dime. Why is that?
Noin: He
uh…doesn’t want any money. You know…he’s just being a friend.
Hilde: Come
on now Noin. You can tell me…just exactly how DO you pay him.
Noin:
(immense blush) I’ll pay you five bucks if you shut up!
Hilde:
YEAH!!
Trieze:
Hilde: Uh…window wiper?
Rica: HILDE! THE MAN
IS DEAD FOR GOD’S SAKES!!
Hilde: What?! Really? I never
knew.
Rica: WHAT!? How could you NOT know?
Hilde: I was in a coma
at the time, so sue me!
Rica: …idiot…
Hilde: What was
that?
Dorothy: Bird feed…(her eyebrows though are used as forks by the
queen and king of Albania.)
Sally: Is a doctor and also works part time
at the International House Of Pancakes!
Rica: …are you making this
up?
Hilde: Hm? Uh…no?
Une-Pizza delivery woman.
Rica: You
ARE making this up!
Hilde: No I’m not…I have important evidence and
documents, proving Une is a pizza deliverer. She delivered pizza at my
house…
Rica: She what?
Hilde: well…now that I think about it, I
was pretty wasted at the time, but oh well…I saw what I saw.
Rica: …I
really do hate you…
Hilde-
I’m a reporter! DUH!
Rica: Don’t
get to cocky, missy. I’m the author here.
Hilde: Oh, I’m scared…big bad
Rica is going to hurt me…
Rica: ATTACK EVIL FERRETS!!
Hilde: AHHH!
(Being chased by evil ferrets) Where the hell did these come from?
Rica:
I told you…I am the author…I do as I please….now you will pay! And then…the
world….I will take over the world…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
