|
|
Lament The Unspoken Promise
~by Nickel Stein -
purple_shad@hotmail.com
January - February 2001
Set during the rise of the White
Fang, after episode 43, the security against intruders on the Libra warship is
beginning to be a problem...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No sooner had Zechs stepped into
his quarters and removed his overcoat than a distress call appeared on his
videophone. Annoyed, he hit the receive button and prepared to berate the
person foolish enough to disturb him during his proclaimed break.
Unfortunately, he was not given the chance as a young man immediately yelled
over the line.
“My apologies, Sir, but we’ve found
an intruder in the Mobile Doll barracks!” The engineer was red-faced and very
agitated. “There’s a white custom Taurus suit, and we haven’t been able to
locate the pilot!”
Zechs eyes widened slightly in
shock. A white Taurus…!? Nevertheless, he recovered himself quickly.
“I’ll take care of the
matter personally,” he growled. “…And do not touch the Taurus, is that
understood!?”
“Yes, Sir!” the young man saluted
just as Zechs disconnected the call.
The leader of the White Fang stood
still, bent over the edge of his desk, his mind racing.
“I’m glad you’re taking care of my
suit,” a gentle voice mocked, “but I must say, Zechs, the security of this
place needs looking into.”
“Noin…”
At the almost tender tone of voice
used to say her name, Lucrezia Noin allowed her mental defenses to lower, but
at the same time, Zechs stiffened. When he turned around, his expression was
devoid of emotion, and the gaze he cast upon her was of a cold blue she had
never seen before.
“Zechs…” She looked sadly back at
him.
“What are you doing here, Noin?” he
asked flatly.
“I came to get some answers.” Her
attitude changed immediately at his words. “What are you trying to accomplish
by starting this war?”
“You didn’t understand me when I
told you before,” he said slowly. “You still don’t.”
“I want to see if you can really justify
what you’re doing,” Noin demanded.
“I have nothing more to say on this
matter, I told you before: the Earth’s suffering will ensure the peace to
come.” He could see that she was not satisfied, but he could not help that.
“The course of history is set; my mind will not change.”
Noin looked insulted by his curt
demeanor. “I… I can see what you’re trying to get at, but it’s just so… wrong!”
She was growing desperate. “How can you do this?”
There was a short silence before
Zechs turned his profile to her. “You do not belong here, Noin. Return to
Peacemillion.”
Then she grew angry. “Why should I,
Zechs? Tell me why. By your actions, you prove that ideals don’t hold together
very well out here in space. How is one better than the other when they can be
discarded or turned on their heads? So you tell me why I should go back!” When
he did not reply at first, she was afraid she had hurt him too deeply. Her tone
softened. “Zechs, I’m sorry…”
“You’re wrong,” he interjected. “My
ideal is as it has ever been, but the method to attain it has simply evolved
from failure of previous attempts.” He turned back to face her as he continued,
“But you cannot support this now, so you have no place here. Go back to
Peacemillion.”
Noin inhaled sharply at his harsh
words. “But, Zechs…”
“My name is Milliardo,” he said
quietly.
Noin’s eyes widened briefly before
the knot of emotions boiling inside of her formed an outlet in a single,
impulsive action. The palm of her right hand smacked across the left side of
Zechs’s face before he had time to blink. She could not see the brief, intense
look of pain and shock on his face before he slowly turned back to glower at
her.
“Do you think it’s that easy!?” she
hissed. “You think you can just use another name and that’ll make it all okay?
This is not you, Zechs. I know... You don’t have the right to decide what I
call you! You can’t just throw away… yourself… and make a new one.”
“And what if I could?” he shot
back, the level of his voice just short of yelling.
“You just can’t…” Noin gradually
stepped towards him, but he did not flinch; He kept glaring at her. “What
happened?” she murmured. “Where did Zechs Merquise go – the soldier that was so
pure and dedicated to his cause? I know he’s in you… somewhere… But when did this deluded Machiavellian
prince replace him?” She searched expectantly for a sign of acknowledgement in
his icy blue eyes, moving closer still.
Under her probing stare, Zechs
relented slightly. “What is it that you want from me, Luke?”
A brief look of hope appeared in
her concerned expression; She could not remember the last time he had called
her that. “I just want to…” she sighed and looked down and away. “…I want it to
be like it was before.”
Although unsure of exactly what she
meant, he refused at once. “It can’t,” was his dull reply as he began to turn
away again.
Noin felt what she thought was her
heart beginning to break. “But I…” She could manage no more as the lump in her
throat threatened to choke her, and she hated the tears that began to collect
at the lower lids of her eyes.
As Zechs glanced over his shoulder,
he saw her raise a hand to cover the grimace of despair she made in an effort
to control her emotions. Something deep inside of him twisted in response to
her misery. A horror overcame him as he turned back around and pulled her hand
away from her face and cupped her cheeks gently with his own hands.
“My God… What is this?” He watched
the watering blue pools of her eyes as they dimly registered his actions. Don’t
cry, please… don’t cry. As she closed them, her tears trickled out and traced a
path down her cream-coloured skin and met his gloved thumb and fingers. He
suddenly went livid, unconsciously increasing the pressure of his hands on her
head. This caused her eyes to flash open with a look of surprise and hurt.
Inexplicably, this enraged him even more. “Stop it!” he yelled, more to himself
than to poor Noin. She tried not to make a noise as she squeezed her eyes shut
again. Zechs quickly released her and backed away, shaking. “What have I…?” A
terrible sound escaped him, something between a roar and a scream, which made
Noin open her eyes again in time to see him run into the adjacent bedroom and
slam the door behind himself.
Staring blankly at the closed door,
Noin crumpled to the floor and hugged her knees, but did not cry. I will never
let another tear fall for him, she vowed silently, although she could tell it
was going to be a hard promise to keep.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In his room Zechs ran his fingers
down his face and tried to keep silent the fury he wanted to voice. He was also
listening for any sounds outside his room. He almost expected Noin to be
sobbing, as well she should, because of what had just happened.
What did just happen? What am I
doing? Anger welled up within him again as he scowled at his reflection in the
window from across the room. He turned around and rammed his fist into the
wall, breaking the wood facing to reveal the metal plating underneath. As the
pain coursed through his whole hand, he raised his other fist, but then reined
in his rage. Turning his back to the wall, he slid to the floor and removed his
gloves and inspected his bruised knuckles. “This is all my fault,” he moaned,
covering his face with his hands. She’s crying because of me! And I am being
far too weak for her…His mind screamed at himself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noin did not even look up as she
heard the muted thud coming from the other side of the door. She sat, huddled,
for an immeasurable length of time; it felt like hours before she finally
uncurled herself and stretched her body out on the floor to lie prone, first
staring at the starkness of the white ceiling, and then closing her eyes.
Eventually, although she was not about to give up on Zechs, she thought of
returning to Peacemillion and what it would mean to her. Am I supposed to wait
for him… for how long?
Zechs opened his door silently and
peered into the next room. When he saw Noin lying flat on the floor, he could
not help but cross the room rapidly in four long strides.
She heard him coming, but kept her
eyes closed, just waiting for his reaction.
Relieved, he watched her body
exhibit signs of regular breathing. As he watched her, he noticed the rhythm
increase and knew she was not sleeping. So he swallowed before he spoke.
“I’m sorry, Noin. I’ll understand
if you don’t want to forgive me.” He waited for her eyes to open, and they did,
blinking once before they focused on him, nearly six feet above her. “In fact,
you shouldn’t forgive me. I’m not worth the least of your tears.”
“Don’t say that, Zechs,” she said
sitting up. “I’ll always forgive you. Maybe that’s what makes me foolish.”
“No, you’re not.” Zechs shook his
head as he crouched next to her, balancing on the balls of his feet. “It’s my
fault. All of it; I know.” He cautiously lifted a hand, meaning to touch her
face, but he hesitated. When she did not wince or pull away, he let his fingers
follow the line her tears had taken. “I apologize, I should never touch you
again… ever.” His hand returned to his knee and he stood up.
Noin followed suit and locked eyes
with him. Her cheeks had flushed pink by now and she had a burning desire to
say to him what they had never voiced aloud before. “Zechs…?” she stalled,
unable to look at him, and continued in a lower tone. “I love you, you know…
But you make me miserable.”
He sighed sadly. “I know…” he
trailed off, shifting his weight uneasily. “But I don’t want you to be
miserable.”
“Then let me stay with you,” she
pleaded. “That’s all I want to do.”
Zechs hesitated, wanting very badly
to grant her wish and free her from her sorrow. “No. I can’t let you compromise
your integrity because of me. I don’t want you putting yourself at risk for me
anymore. Why do you think I asked you to look after Relena?” She looked ready
to collapse at his rejection, and it took all the will power he had left to
hold still and not give in to either of their emotions.
Noin wordlessly stepped up to him
and slid her arms around him in a last, very desperate act. She did not really
care what he would do, but he merely sighed again and, after a moment, kindly
placed a hand on the top of her head, which rested against his shoulder.
“Lucrezia…”
She began to pull away reluctantly,
almost shamefully, until he circled his other arm about her waist. Noin looked
up at him in wonderment.
Zechs spoke, barely above a
whisper, “I wish I could take away your pain, but the middle of a war is no
place for us…”
Noin thought his voice was so
soothing, despite the pain his words brought to both of them. Lost in his
sky-blue eyes, she could not help but be shocked as he continued.
“Believe me… in another lifetime,
under different circumstances Zechs Merquise would love you with his entirety…
I wish I could promise you that, too, but I cannot do so now.”
There was a soft silence. Noin
chewed her lower lip in thought before speaking. “But if I return to
Peacemillion, I’ll just get in your way again, along with the Gundams. The
safest place for me is by your side.”
“On the contrary. Around me there
can only be destruction. You know I won’t let you stay, so please go back.”
Grudgingly, Noin nodded, knowing it
was better that way. “I will.” Then she looked back up at him in earnest.
“Before I go… grant my last request.”
He looked at her puzzled, raising
his eyebrows a fraction. “Which is?”
She blushed. “Kiss me?” Perhaps it
was her overexcited mind, but she thought she saw a glint in his eye followed
by a subtle change in his expression.
“As you wish,” he murmured as he
bent closer to her.
For Noin, the whole universe fell
away with all its troubles leaving her alone in the arms of this man and this
temporal, resplendent moment.
It was the most wretched eleven
seconds Zechs could currently recall, knowing that he could not - would not -
keep her with him. Yet, a part of him still reveled in the moment’s divine
significance, but it was short-lived.
They did not speak when they
parted; Noin rested her head against Zechs’s neck. Eventually, he shifted,
saying, “Please leave me.”
She almost smiled, noting that,
most obviously, he had made no move to release her from his embrace. She voiced
her observation, “You don’t want me to.”
Without missing a beat he
responded. “I don’t want you here, either.”
“I understand.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“When can you have it done?”
“Very quickly, Sir. All we have to
do is modify a mobile doll system unit. It should be completed within the next
hour.”
“Good.” Zechs nodded to the chief
engineer. “I want the controls to be remote, as well.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And I’m taking one of these.”
Zechs picked up a space suit and helmet before leaving.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Zechs approached the officers’
wing, he saw a familiar blonde figure appear from around a corner and head in
his direction. Dorothy stopped and smiled at him as he continued towards her,
and fell into step beside him when he continued in the direction she had just
come.
“Hello, Mister Milliardo,” she
greeted cheerfully.
Zechs grumbled his acknowledgement,
not particularly enjoying her unexpected company at the moment. “Shouldn’t you
be on the bridge assisting Quinze?” he queried.
“Oh, but I hear it’s much more
exciting down in the mobile doll hangar.” Dorothy was pleased when she noticed
that his only visible reaction was the tightening of his jaw. She had also
noticed the space suit and helmet bundled under one of his arms; the other hand
held a steaming thermal mug.
At length, as they continued
towards his private chambers, Zechs asked, “So who else knows?”
“Not Quinze, certainly!” Dorothy
assured him. “None on the bridge, only those in the direct vicinity of the
anomaly.” She continued, “But your secret is safe with me, Mister Milliardo. I
have already eliminated all traces of disturbance from the ship’s databases.”
“I thought you might. Thank you,
Dorothy.”
They rounded the last corner
heading to his living quarters.
“So where is Miss Noin now?” she
asked innocently, already knowing the answer. They stopped in front of his
door.
Zechs sighed, knowing that Dorothy was just
being herself, playing her game as always. “She’s sleeping,” he answered
tersely.
Dorothy elegantly raised her
eccentric eyebrows at him. “Really now,” she mockingly reproved him. “We are in
the middle of a war. If I may say so, this is no time for you to be keen.”
He scowled. “No, it’s nothing like
that.”
“Whatever you say, Mister Milliardo,”
she replied, a naturally smug smile on her face.
Zechs tried not to look flustered
because of her implication. He shoved the space suit at her. “Hold this.” He
turned to open his door with a key card and pass code. After stepping in and
placing his thermal mug on a nearby table, he turned back to Dorothy, who stood
on the threshold very obviously casting about for the sight of Noin or anything
peculiar.
“Thank you, Dorothy,” Zechs said,
exaggerating his enunciation, while taking the space suit from her. “Now, get
back on duty.”
“You’re welcome. Please give my
regards to Miss Noin.” Dorothy’s grin grew wider as Zechs turned her around by
the shoulders and deftly shoved her out the door. “Have a nice day, Mister Mi—”
The door shut on her.
He stood for a moment, shaking
Dorothy’s falsely sugary voice out of his head.
“I don’t know how you and Relena
can stand her.”
Zechs looked up and watched Noin
emerge from his bedroom to perch on the chair by the coffee table. When he did
not answer at first, Noin idly looked at what he had brought in, and then
raised her eyes to meet his again. He watched her warily as if she might vanish
in front of him.
“Explain it to me,” she stated
simply.
“What?” He had lost track of what
she was saying.
Noin tilted her head to the side.
“About her. Dorothy, I mean. Why is she here?”
He gave her a bitter smile. “She
knows the game Treize and I are playing,” he said mildly as he crossed the room
to the window, unable to stand looking at Noin anymore. “But I don’t know if
she fully understands what it will mean for those who play it, including
herself.” He thought for a moment before adding: “In a way, Treize and Dorothy
were my surrogate siblings after Cinq was destroyed. Dorothy became the sister
I had lost… But that’s a travesty: neither she nor Treize could ever replace my
family, my dear Relena… or you…” He turned his head to look back at her. “If
that’s what you’re worried about.”
Noin smiled demurely even as her
cheeks flushed. “No, I was never worried about that.” Her lips pressed together
thoughtfully, before she asked the inevitable. “So when do I leave?”
Zechs moved away from the window.
“Get changed and I’ll take you down. Drink that first,” he ordered, pointing to
the cup.
She picked it up and gazed down at
its swirling milky surface. “What is it?”
“An anesthetic.”
“What for?” She questioned,
slightly alarmed.
His expression was blank. “I don’t
want you putting up a last minute fight.” When she gave him a disgusted look,
he frowned. “What? Don’t you trust me?”
She sighed before giving him a hard
look, stating, “On my life, Zechs.” Noin picked up the space suit and stood up,
while sipping the contents of the mug. As she moved to leave, he caught up with
her.
“One more thing.” His eyes were as
cold as he could make them. “When you step back out that door, know this:
Whatever took place between us during your stay here has no meaning in a
battle. If I encounter you on the field and you oppose me again…” he paused,
clenching his teeth.
Noin gulped.
Zechs, close as he was physically,
seemed infinitely far away from her. “I will eliminate you.”
“Of course, Soldier Milliardo,” she
whispered, looking grim. However, after considering for a moment, she managed
to quip, “Stop trying to sound like Heero.” Then she rose on tip-toe to peck
him on the cheek before sliding past his arm towards the bedroom.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The mechanics in the mobile doll
hangar looked up curiously as the leader of the White Fang entered, carrying a
body in a space suit. They muttered to themselves trying to determine who the
Taurus pilot was, but the helmet of the suit was closed, denying all view of
the person behind the visor. It was even difficult to tell the gender of the
body, although some heated whispers were exchanged as the engineers observed
the care with which Milliardo Peacecraft handled and carried it.
Zechs unceremoniously deposited
Noin’s sleeping form into the cockpit of her Taurus suit. After adjusting the
controls and her seatbelt, he descended to where the chief engineer waited for
him.
“The altered mobile doll unit is
ready, Sir” the chief engineer said, saluting before handing Zechs a laptop and
a simple remote switchboard.
“Good. Have the projected
co-ordinates of the Peacemillion been confirmed?” The White Fang commander
asked. At the other man’s nod, Zechs declared, “Then the launch will begin
now.”
As the engineer typed the
co-ordinates into the laptop, Zechs took up the remote, turned back towards the
Taurus and began flicking switches. At his command, the door to the cockpit
closed, and the engines began to warm up. Good-bye,…Noin. The Taurus began to
walk towards the lock-down corridor of the receiving bay. When he could no
longer see it with his eyes, he turned to the multitude of video screens that
showed the Taurus on the verge of heading back into space. Zechs paused,
staring at the video screen. The chief engineer looked up at him, a question in
his eyes.
When Zechs moved, he took up the
laptop attached to his remote, spun on his heel and headed for the control center
of the receiving bay with the chief engineer following a little bewildered
behind him. The control center’s windows allowed them to see directly into the
receiving Bay with the Taurus looming over them. Finally, Zechs pressed the
execute button on his remote and the hum of the Taurus’s engines increased in
frequency before it launched. Even as the rumble of sound vibrated the air in
his lungs, Zechs put the controller down and gripped the back of a chair to
keep his hand from shaking. When the white dot of Noin’s mobile suit
disappeared into the blackness of outer space, he spoke to the engineer.
“Have this unit installed in the
Epyon. I’m going to bed.”
“Erm.. Yes, Sir!” The man saluted
even as Zechs was already heading out the door.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noin opened her eyes just as
Peacemillion’s gravitational field pulled her Taurus into docking position.
“Zechs…”
When she made her way woozily into
the hangar and came down, Sally was there to meet her. Noin removed her helmet
and tried to shake off the rest of the drug she had consumed.
Sally looked her over, concerned.
“You don’t look so good,” she said, putting an arm around Noin to support her.
Sighing, she added, “If you don’t want me to, I won’t ask.”
Noin blinked several times, trying
to maintain her posture as they began heading back into Peacemillion. She
swallowed. “Thanks, Sally. It’s okay… really.”
“So… how is he? But more
importantly, how are you?” Sally asked, a little uncertainly.
To her surprise, Noin smiled the
first smile she had in over a week.
~fin
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Oi, if you read through to the end, I
congratulate you for being a true 6x9 fan. And thank you, of course ^_^'
Personally, I thought it kinda got boring after the initial angst booster shot!
That's what midterms do to you: Sucks all your time and creativity away...
Comments welcome:
purple_shad@hotmail.com
I was somewhat inspired by the
soundtrack Operation 3. If you ever get a hold of it, or find the mp3 called
"Soldier Milliardo" (track 11) that's a kinda funky action song
(although they never play it when it's Zechs fighting, they only play it when
the Gpilots fight!) Even better is the "Soldier's Requiem" (track 10)
a really beautiful slow, not to mention sad, piece that reminds me of Noin and
Zechs ^_^'