	Sign In Sign-Up

LET’S GO KROGERING! (A.K.A. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Lion!)

By Rica (Cloa)

Warnings: Uh…severe character bashing, and um…the misuse of bowling balls…(TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS! ^_^) Also, DO NOT read this if you haven’t read Zech’s Colonies. You’ll have no idea what I’m talking about…not that you would in any situation, but…er…um…yeah…

Dedicated to Kat and her brother: It’s not a very good sequel to ‘Zech’s Colonies’, but oh well. I do what I can! Thanks for the moral support! ^_~

***

Heero could hear a faint scream erupt from some room in Quatre’s too big mansion. He looked up, remembering that scream from anywhere. Without another thought, Heero jumped, running to where he heard the shriek. He ran down the stairs, to find his other comrades huddled around someone. “What happened?” Heero bluntly asked.

WuFei shrugged his shoulders, still looking down at poor Duo, lying on the floor. Heero also noticed the refrigerator door was half opened. Duo laid there, his eyes wide and cocked in a funny zoned out way. He seemed to mutter over and over, “No…food….no…food…”

Trowa stared at the fridge, noticing it was pretty much empty. “Oops.” Trowa said.

“Oops? What do you mean, oops?” WuFei bitterly asked.

“I fed the lions a little too much.” The pilots suddenly heard loud growls coming from outside.

“Trowa, I really do like your lions, and everything, but I don’t think letting them roam around the back yard is such a great idea.” Quatre said, slightly nervous.

“Why?” Trowa asked.

Trowa was suddenly answered by a blood hurdling scream coming from the yard. “That would be Ms. Catalonia, my new maid.” Quatre sighed, heading towards the back. Trowa decided to follow, so he could help Quatre pry off his over fed kitties off from Dorothy. Heero walked over poor Duo, opening the fridge door. “It’s empty.” Heero muttered.

“That explains the paranoid Duo on the floor.” WuFei muttered.

“He’ll be like that all day until we get him some food.” Heero mentioned, poking the American in the side with a spatula.

WuFei eyed the floor, to where Duo quietly stared at nothing. “And this is a bad thing?”

Heero cocked an eyebrow, giving WuFei his answer. In the middle of their “staring contest”, they both suddenly saw something run across the window. Heero and WuFei gazed outside, trying to relocate what ever it was that ran past the open window. They both suddenly saw the lions running…thinking that they were chasing Quatre’s maid Dorothy. But then, Dorothy suddenly ran out from behind the beasts, chasing them and shouting profane rantings. “Here kitty kitty kittie!! I won’t hurt you! I just want to _eat_ you!” Dorothy shouted.

WuFei and Heero could both tell, the lions were running for their lives…

After a good half of an hour, Trowa, Quatre, and Dorothy walked in, panting. “Must…you…mess with the lions?” Quatre asked, still breathing hard.

“I can’t help that I’m hungry.” She said lively.

Trowa was the only one who stood still, not even breaking a sweat. “We’re going grocery shopping.” Heero said, putting on his jacket.

“We should be back in two hours.” WuFei added.

“Two hours!? That’s a long time.” Quatre said uneasy.

“How about we all go!” Dorothy replied, devilishly. She eyed Quatre, winking to him. Poor Quatre sensed a huge sweat drop accumulate on his fore head. “Oh Allah!” he thought, imagining what Dorothy could do to him in a public place.

“We could get it done a lot faster if every one helped.” Trowa added.

WuFei and Heero nodded. “Agreed.” Heero said.

“Let’s drag Duo along. I think the sight of food will bring him back to his senses.” Quatre added.

Trowa picked up his shorter friend, and carried him outside to the car. They were about to get in (all six of them) when an old lady came out from nowhere, and grabbed onto WuFei. “Excuse me, sir. Could you please help me across the street? I’m an old lady and my sight is not as good as it used to be.”

“OLD WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO CROSS THE STREET! YOU ARE WEAK! WEAK PEOPLE ARE NOT ALLOWED ACROSS DANGEROUS STREETS! IF YOU CAN’T SEE, YOU SHOULDN’T BE OUTSIDE!” WuFei shouted.

The old woman was dumbstruck, staring at the Chinese pilot coldly. Due to Quatre’s soft spot in his heart, he gladly took the place for WuFei, and helped her across the street.

Heero drove while Trowa and Dorothy sat in front. WuFei and Quatre kept Duo in the middle, who was singing, “We all live in a yellow submarine…yellow submarine…”

“Will you SHUT UP?!” WuFei grumpily shouted to Duo.

“Let’s go Krogering, Krogering, Krogering. Let’s go KROGERING! The fun fun way to….shop….” Duo sang loudly.

“Ah…Duo…please be quiet…we’re almost there.” Quatre said.

“TURN ON THE RADIO!!!!” Duo demanded like a drunken sailor.

Heero decided if it would shut him up, he would gladly turn it on. The minute Heero touched a knob, a loud rock song boomed through the car. It sounded like Last Resort (Papa Roach). Duo had decided to create his own version of the song.

“Cut my pie into pieces,

This is my last desert.

Stuff my face in

…Cream filling…

Cheery pie and chocolate pudding…” Duo loudly sang over the radio, giving every one in the car a headache. “BE QUIET!!!” WuFei demanded.

Duo suddenly jumped onto WuFei, going for his neck. “MUST SUCK BLOOD!!!!!” Duo said!

WuFei was yelling and screaming, trying to pry the American off from his neck, “GET OFF OF ME!!! AHHHHH!!! INJUSTICE!!!!”

***

After everyone took a little side trip to the hospital, WuFei grumpily sat with a huge band-aid on his neck. They finally reached Krogers, Quatre and Trowa pulled Duo out of the car. Once Duo saw the huge sign across the building, his eyes lit up like a child seeing a brand new train he just had to have. Duo jumped out of his friend’s arms, waving his arms in the air and shouting for joy. “FOOD AHOY!!!” He cheerfully said.

“I feel like I just set a bull loose in a China shop.” Quatre sighed miserably. Trowa patted his back, comforting him.

“I’ve rationed the list out into several parts.” Heero said, handing them all sheets of paper. “It’ll be a lot quicker if we split up. Now consider this a mission, and we should survive.”

“Ok.” Dorothy said. “Who do I have to kill?” She asked.

“Captain Crunch and his army of Fruit Loops.” WuFei bitterly replied.

“At least I don’t have a huge hickey on my neck.” She said, eyeing WuFei’s band-aid.

“For the last time, you stupid woman. It’s not a hickey. It’s a flesh wound.” WuFei barked.

“Speaking of hickeys, I think I see one of your old friends, WuFei.” Quatre said, looking behind him.

“Isn’t that the old lady WuFei refused to walk across the street?” Trowa asked.

“Yeah! And she brought friends!!” Dorothy added, seeing the familiar face amongst hundred other wrinkled old people, giving dirty looks to the Chinese pilot.

“That is not important to the mission.” Heero said. “There is a fifty percent off sale on everything, before six.” Heero said. “We have to meet at five thirty in the dairy isle, so we won’t pay that much. Understood?”

“Yes.” They answered.

Everyone went off….

Duo headed straight towards the free sample section. He eagerly grabbed the free sausages, shoving them into his mouth. “Mmmm…heaven.” He moaned.

“Excuse me sir, would you like another?” The lady asked.

Duo didn’t answer, but just grabbed the whole tray and ran off.

“HEY COME BACK!!” She shouted. He hid behind an isle, hungrily eating away at his prized sausages. He suddenly heard a familiar voice, from the next isle. “Zechs?” He said to himself.

“So, Milliardo, what are the plans for next weekend?” Noin asked her husband.

“I was thinking I could visit the colonies again. Remember my last trip?” Zechs asked.

“Oh God…that was a trip to remember.” Noin said in a pleasant tone.

Duo chuckled, remembering a previous joke. “Yeah, I bet she enjoyed that alright.” He said.

“I dunno, Noin. I think I like L1 the best. There is just something about its size, you know…” Zechs added.

Duo spat out one of his sausages, as he rolled in laughter. “L2 is the same size.” Noin said briefly.

“I know, but L1 is where I learned to be a very firm individual. I kinda feel attached to it. As if it was my own.”

Duo started laughing so hard he wanted to cry. “Hey, do you hear that?” Zechs said.

They both looked over, to find Duo still rolling in laughter. “Maxwell?” Noin asked.

“Oh…hi, there Noin. Oh, and hi to you guys too. Oh hell, hello to all three of you.” Maxwell started hitting himself, trying to stop laughing.

“What are you doing here, Duo?” Noin asked, slightly baffled.

“Oh, I’m…shopping for…um…” Duo grabbed the first thing he saw, “…vaginal cream…no wait!” he said, throwing the tube back onto the isle.

“Oh…um…” Noin said, suspiciously looking at Duo.

Duo practically tripped and fell right there. A huge sweat drop appeared on his head. “So…uh…how are the colonies doing, Zechs?’ Duo asked, slightly chuckled.

“Last time I checked they were pretty well-rounded.”

Duo practically spazed out in laughter, smacking the side of his leg. Zechs and Noin just looked at each other, slightly confused. “I…chuckle…I really have to be going now. Bye teach…” Duo said, gasping from his hard chuckles.

Both Zechs and Noin shrugged, as they continued their grocery shopping.

“Stupid Krogers….” WuFei mumbled bitterly, snatching a jar of jelly. “I hate this store.” He said to jar, looking at the price. WuFei’s eyes suddenly went wide, as he shouted, “3 BUCKS?!! THIS IS INJUSTICE!! I REFUSE TO PAY FOR THIS CRAP!!!”

People surrounding the Chinese boy, gave him nervous looks, as they began to roll their carts far far away from WuFei. “Damn customers.” He snarled.

“GOD, I’m hungry.” Dorothy said, eyeing the food. “All this food makes me wanna eat something….mmmm….lions…” She licked her lips at the thought of tasty lion meat filling her stomach. “If only Trowa hadn’t been so protective about those lions…” She said. “Oh here we are. Let’s see…fruit. FRUIT? Who the hell wants to eat fruit? I know what to get.” She said. Giving off an evil laugh as Dorothy ran to another isle.

“Must find apple juice. Must find apple juice. Must find apple juice.” Heero said bluntly, searching for his prized juice. He noticed that Duo was right across the isle, staring at a delicious looking box of doughnuts.

“Must hide. Must hide.” Heero said, trying to keep away from the hyper American. All of Heero’s attempts to escape were in vain, as Duo had spotted his friend, “HEERO, BUDDY!!” He laughed, running to the pilot. Heero just kept pushing the cart, hoping Duo would just leave him be. “Hey Heero. I feel much better now! I got some food!” Duo said, showing him the sausages he hadn’t eaten already. “It was no easy task, mind you. I had to fight off several people just to get you this precious little sausage.” Duo added, handing his companion one of his ‘treasures’. “Try it, Heero!”

Heero reluctantly shoved the tiny thing into his mouth, than started to move on. “You like?” Duo asked, with hope in his eyes.

“Hn.”

“I’m glad we both agree then.” Duo said happily.

Heero continued to grab items and drop them into the cart he pushed, even though Duo was doing a fine job distracting him. “Hey Heero, you won’t believe who I saw today.”

“Try me.” Heero said, not even looking to the braided boy.

“I saw Noin and Zechs.” Duo proclaimed.

Heero suddenly stopped, growing pale to the familiar name. Heero remembered distinctively that even though Zechs was his teacher, they had sworn that when they weren’t in class, they would battle. “He’s here?” Heero said.

“Yep! And it was really funny too. Noin was talking about her…”

“Did he look pissed off?” Heero asked, interrupting Duo’s comment.

“Uh…no, not really.” Duo said.

“I must defeat him. I must kill Zechs.” Heero said firmly.

“Oh, Heero. Are you guys still mad about that whole ‘war thing’?” Duo asked, “Because that was awhile ago, and don’t you think you two should learn to become friends?”

“You don’t understand. It is our destiny to fight. I must kill him.” Heero said, now staring off to the wall as if trapped into some zone.

Duo shrugged, now taking control of the cart.

“Milk…cereal….bread…muffins…kiwi…that must be it.” Trowa said in his monotone voice, looking at his portion of the list. He quickly glanced at the clock, noticing it was 4:45. “Plenty of time to waste. I have completed this mission in record time…” Trowa suddenly thought silently. He had nothing better to do but sit and wait for his partners to finish. Trowa grew lonely…

“Oh, hey there, Trowa!!” Quatre said, finding him staring off into the wall.

“You finished so soon?” Quatre asked, bringing his cart up to Trowa’s. Trowa’s eye blinked, as he said, “Yes. I was just…um…”

“Wanna help me get some of my stuff? I’m not done yet.” Quatre added.

“Ok…”

WuFei grumpily walked up to where he found Quatre and Trowa talking. “Hi WuFei.” Quatre said pleasantly.

WuFei grumbled something, walking up. “I can’t find soap.” He said, admitting he was lost.

“Oh, that’s alright WuFei. I know how easy it is to get lost in here.”

WuFei twitched at the word ‘lost’ and said, “I am not lost…they just put the damn soap in a place where I can’t find it. They did the same thing for every thing else on my list…” He said coldly.

WuFei scratched at his band-aid, which was beginning to peal off. He followed Trowa and Quatre, who were busily talking away…well…Quatre was talking while Trowa just nodded. “CRAP!!” WuFei said.

“What?” Trowa then asked.

“My bandage fell off.” WuFei said, (referring to the tiny little band-aid on his neck.) Trowa and Quatre could now see a huge bruise on WuFei’s neck, which in the right light resembled a hickey…a rather LARGE one at that. Quatre giggled, moving on. “You’re neck looks pretty bad.” He said.

“I was attacked by an American…of course it looks bad! I may have a scar for years to come.” WuFei said proudly.

“Or an ever lasting hickey.” Trowa added.

“This is NOT a hickey! It is a flesh wound! How many times do I have to say that!!!??” WuFei snarled.

“What was that?” Said a familiar voice.

Quatre, Trowa and WuFei all turned to see Lady Une and Sally Po by the snack stand. They smiled cunningly, listening into WuFei’s conversation. “WuFei! What a pleasant surprise.” Sally exclaimed.

“Oh GOD!!” WuFei sighed, trying to cover his neck.

“You have a wound on your neck!? How terrible. You should really have Sally look at it, you know. She’s an excellent doctor.” Une proclaimed, making Sally add, “Yeah, WuFei. Let me see this scar of yours.” She said, trying to pry his arm from his neck.

“STOP! STOP IT, onna! It is not your place to be getting so close to a man like this!” WuFei screeched.

“Come now, WuFei. It’s for your health. I want to see what I can do to help you.” She said teasingly.

WuFei struggled with the women, trying to keep them from seeing his embarrassing ‘wound’ Duo gave him due to pure insanity. He broke off, walking away, “LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU ANNOYING PEOPLE!!”

WuFei walked to another nearby isle, hearing laughter as he left. Little did Wuffie know…he was being followed…

“Stupid braided baka.” WuFei snarled, seeing Heero and Duo walking into his isle. He decided now was the time to make Duo regret he went crazy. As WuFei started to walk up to him, he heard faint little footsteps and what sounded like canes, tapping upon the floor. He stopped, turning around to find the same old lady he had met earlier that day. “What do you want!?” WuFei asked the kind little old lady.

She smiled, as several of her old friends suddenly appeared, all giving him mean little glances. There was about a hundred of them. (And they all held purses.) “That’s him, ladies.” The leader croaked.

“What now?” WuFei sighed.

He went wide-eyed, as he witnessed the old women pull out rather large bowling balls from their tiny purses. They waved their 14-pounded balls in the air, shouting a vicious war cry. “GET HIM!!!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” WuFei shouted frantically, running away from the herd of old people waving around huge bowling balls at him. “Crush him!!” “Kill him!!” “Steal his clothes!!!” They cried.

WuFei ran across the isles, in front of Trowa, Quatre, Sally, and Une. “What is he doing?” Sally said, watching WuFei shout profane words, running up and down the store. She then saw a herd of old people chasing him, keeping a very good pace. “Apparently, WuFei has made some new friends.” Une said calmly.

“Ok, I think we got everything.” Noin said, checking the list for the third time.

Zechs was staring at the frozen foods…scanning them. He then saw two familiar boys walking towards the dairy section. “It’s him.” He said.

“Him who?” Noin asked, seeing her husband was concentrating very hard now.

“Heero Yuy, my arch enemy. He’s here, and it is time to kill him once and for all.” Zechs claimed, staring at his opponent.

Heero just looked up, to see Zechs staring right at him. He stopped the cart, causing Duo to practically trip. “Hey Heero! What the heck are you…”

“It’s him.” Heero said, seeing Zechs and Noin. Duo squinted, seeing the far off distance of the two young adults.

“Oh! Ok then…can we go and check this food out, already?” Duo asked impatiently.

“No…I must battle him.” Heero said firmly.

“Oh crap.” Duo said, trying to reason with the bloodthirsty boy.

“Oh come off it Zechs. The war is over. Just leave the boy alone.” Noin said, pleading her husband to move on.

“No…I must kill him. It is my destiny to destroy the Gundam Wing pilot.” Zechs said.

“Back off, Duo. I don’t want you getting in my way.” Heero said, pushing Duo off of the cart.

“Heero, you fool.” Duo said sighing. “Can’t you find another hobby? You could read, you could collect stamps or cards, or you could hug trees for all I care. But, must you have to pick a fight with him every single time you two just happen to meet?” Duo sighed.

“…yes…”

“Dammit, Heero!”

“You don’t even have your Gundam!” Noin proclaimed.

“The cart will do.” Zechs said. He pushed Noin aside, as did Heero to Duo. They gazed at each other, gripping tighter to the cart. Zechs pulled out a banana, while Heero pulled out a rather large hard salami stick. “Damn…I always get the weaker weapon. Damn Gundam Wing writers…” Zechs thought.

They wielded their “weapons” high in the air, preparing to strike. Suddenly, they both ran at each other, as they pushed the carts. Heero and Zechs would ram each other, and try to smash the daylights out of them selves. “Ahh!” Heero yelled.

“AHHHH!” Zechs shouted back.

Quatre, Trowa, Sally, and Une were turning around the corner, seeing Heero and Zechs running towards each other with their battle cries. “HHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRROOOO!!!!” Quatre yelled.

Everyone in the store froze, suddenly staring at the Arabian. He nervously smiled, “It just seemed wrong if somebody didn’t do it.” Quatre said.

They all nodded, agreeing. “That’s true…where is Relena when you need her?” Sally asked.

While Heero suddenly imagined Relena falling off from a cliff, Zechs had snuck closer and smacked Heero up side his head with his banana. “Take that, you so called main character!!” Zechs shouted.

“I will KILL YOU!!” Heero snarled, rubbing his head.

They both lunged at each other, poking their stomachs with their so-called ‘swords’. “Idiots…” Noin commented to Sally.

“Hey, at least they’re pulling off a great show! Look, they’ve attracted an audience!” Sally said, pointing to the other baffled Kroger shoppers.

Suddenly, WuFei came running down the isle, as bowling balls were being thrown at him. One or two of them occasional hit him, but the others were thrown into the food. There was a firework display of exploding food, as the Chinese pilot ran for his life. “AHHHH!!!! LOOK OUT!!!!” He shouted.

WuFei, nor the elderly women, couldn’t stop their momentum, as they all crashed into Heero and Zechs; in other words, everyone who just happened to be near him.

***

“I warned you, didn’t I Zechs?” Noin said, putting more alcohol onto his wounds. He grunted, as did several others as Duo, Noin and Dorothy waited on them. They all had accumulated interesting wounds, and were now defenseless. “If you had helped that old lady across the street, none of this would have happened, WuFei.” Duo said happily.

“Hey…I thought you were insane at that time.” WuFei snarled, his arms and legs covered in bandages.

“Heero told me all about that.” Duo said, suddenly noticing the strange bruise on his neck, “Hey, what’s this?” Duo said.

“It’s a hickey.” Sally moaned, keeping the ice pack on her head.

“For the last time, you dumb onna, it IS NOT A HICKEY!!!!” WuFei shouted.

Une threw a pillow at the Chinese pilot, “Shut up, WuFei. You’re making me even more sick.” She groaned.

Trowa turned on the TV, causing all the little patients to sigh. The news channel suddenly came on, with a reporter right where they had been for the past hour. He was reporting something very unusual. “That’s right, Krogers is now closing, due to the misuse of bananas, salami, bowling balls, and elderly women. The government has claimed that ALL Krogers stores will shut down immediately, since they seem to attract violent people. In the catastrophe today, 1 hundred and seven people were injured, and one was killed.” The news reporter suddenly placed his finger in his ear, listening to the transmitter. “Scratch that folks…apparently, the cow meat was dead to begin with.”

WuFei grabbed the remote, turning off the TV. “Stupid television.”

Dorothy entered the room, holding a tray of something very suspicious looking. “Dinner is ready. And may I say, since I was the only one who made it to the cash register, that this meal was especially picked out by me!” She said, grinning.

Dorothy placed down the tray, of suspicious looking meat. “What is it?” Trowa asked blindingly, now that his only visible eye was patched up.

“I can’t believe it’s not lion…” Quatre said, reading the label of the can.

Duo spat out the already chewed food he had shoved into his mouth.

“You mean, we have to eat this until the next time we go grocery shopping?” Quatre asked everyone.

“Next time??!!!!” WuFei said looking horrified. He turned his head to the window, seeing several unhappy old people on Quatre’s lawn….waiting for him to go back outside…..

MWA-HAHAHAHA!!! That is the END!

If you have no idea what Krogers is, it is the most annoying Grocery Store!! Sorry this wasn’t a very good sequel, I just head a hundred ideas and I placed them all out on paper! ^_^ PLEASE WRITE ME FOR COMMENTS OR criticism. Er…um…eh, heh heh heh!!